Remember Wayne Bridge? Helen Wood SLAMS I'm A Celeb's Wayne: 'No wonder John Terry got a look-in on his bird'

IT'S that time of year again, we all get excited about poxy adverts, all the singletons want a bit of meat to spoon on the couch, and yes, The Jungle is back on our screens.

By Helen Wood 

I'M A CELEB CORRESPONDENT: Helen Wood gives her verdict on the jungle campers

Last night, we were spared the cringe performance of The Honey Monster (aka Gemma Collins) throwing a wobbler, instead we've actually got some hardcore grafters this time.

So, let's start with blatant leader of the pack, Carol Vorderman.

She's a strong contender, and stubborn to the core, but why she linked up with camp bitch Lisa Snowdon, I don't know. More about that later…

Now, we can't talk Cazza without mentioning the ol' looks depo.

I'm not one to fence-sit so just chucking it out there, not a lot of movement gwanin'.

Carol was who my dad loved back in the day when I was growing up, she's also the type of woman I look up to, intelligent, successful, and with one hell of a cracking booty, ticks all the boxes.

Last night though, rocking the Worzel Gummidge chic, what the hell has she done?!? I was lost for words (for a change).

Don't get me wrong, she's still a belter for 55-years-old, but we respected her crunching numbers not crunching wrinkles. She just looks like an old Liz McDonald barmaid.

Quit with the chasing youth thing or you'll end up on Botched.

CAMP BITCH? Helen thinks Lisa Snowdon will be TV gold

The Scarletts and Lisas of the group, urgh, would put money on the narcissists being blissfully lazy, swanning around like princesses, their self-obsession makes me do a little vom in my mouth.

Larry Lamb, dad of the camp, kudos to producers, he's the obvious alpha dog, those boys are just his pups… who he'll eventually lose the plot with.

Might need to send in some johnnies though if he ends up having a fumble in the jungle with equally dominant Vorders.

Adore Joel Dommett, I usually find comedians off stage mind-numbingly dull, but he's got a natural wit, which is incredibly hot by the way.

Looks like he'll be pants at tasks though, bit of a fairy on the plank.

Having said that, can't be that vanilla taking into consideration THAT sex tape.

USING HER FEMININITY? Helen says Ola wasted no time 'getting her baps out'

HAS SHE OR HASN'T SHE? Helen reckons Carol Vorderman has had too much cosmetic work done

Wayne Bridge, going to be a big girls blouse.

Look, seems like a normal guy, but with a personality like that, not hard to understand why John Terry got a look-in on his ex bird.

Ola Jordan, didn't take long for her to get her baps out, did it? Fair play, might as well milk the eye candy role.

I'm sure male viewers will have their Kleenex/Aldi loo roll at the ready, praying for Ola and Sam Quek to take the infamous shower together. For the w*** bank of course, not for tears of joy.

Both natural beauties, unlike Scarlett 'fake as f***' Moffatt.

Jesus, those drag queen lashes and terrible fake tan. Transparent, just another Charlotte Crosby.

She tries soooo hard to be funny, when in fact she's funny putting zero thought into what she's saying. People who try too hard get on my tits, leave the comedy to the experts like Joel.

If she's what we get for a nation's sweetheart, we are even lower than wherever rock bottom is.

NOT AMUSED: Helen says Scarlett Moffatt is trying too hard to be funny

Adam Thomas has a moody streak that will reveal itself soon, and I don't think Jordan Banjo will last that long. Annoying much?

Ah, back to Lisa. She has the potential to be an absolute mother bitch. She's the lass who just wants her own way. BUT, for that reason, please keep her in. TV gold.

It won't be long before she snaps, Ms Sassy Pants' attitude stinks more than my Boxing Day farts.

Haven't got a jar of glue who is going to win, but I think Jordan or Sam may leave first.

dailystar.co.uk