Sex on tap, apple crumble but no pool: Lags' Trip Advisor-style Facebook prison reviews

LAGS are using Facebook to post comical Trip Advisor-style reviews about some of Britain's most notorious jails.

MIXED REVIEWS: Lags, including at Michael Adebolajo's HMP Belmarsh, have posted their thoughts

Inmates boast of cell views, free rent, "sex on tap", complimentary gyms, apple crumble and a good range of TV shows.

But others moan about dodgy beds, food menus, no room service, no air con and no pools.

The cheeky Facebook comments, some as recent as last week, give a staggering insight into life in British nicks.

Some of these prisons' infamous inmates include serial killer Fred West, the Kray Twins, Ian Huntley, and Lee Rigby's 

Daily Star Online breaks down the 10 prisons that appear to be attracting the most comments.

LOCKED UP: Lee Rigby's killers Michael Adebolajo and Michael Adebowale

HMP Belmarsh

AJ wrote: "You get a 12x8 room, which isn't very roomy, that you share with two other blokes, not good if they have smelly feet."

He added: "The food, it's s***! I can honestly say that I wouldn't even think about feeding that non-nutritional c*** to a pig let alone lawbreaking humanoids that the Queen has so nicely put up."

Category A prison Belmarsh is home to Lee Rigby's killers Michael Adebolajo and Michael Adebowale and was briefly home to psychopathic child murderer Ian Huntley.

CRITICAL: A Belmarsh inmate said they would not feed the food to pigs

MURDERED: Fusilier Lee Rigby

HMP Birmingham

The Victorian Category B/C men's prison, where 35 inmates were executed, has struggled with overcrowding.

It housed serial killer Fred West, who raped young women and murdered at least 12, until he committed suicide in his cell on New Year's Day 1995.

But on Facebook page HMP Prison Birmingham, Terry wrote: "I went here to visit my ex-partner.

"It's a good prison, well run, and looks tidy and clean. Keep up the work guys and girls of HM Prison Winson Green."

Stuart writes: "S***hole. Food s***. Cells s***. But some of the staff was OK. Never going back (sic)."

In response, Collette wrote underneath: "Don't break the law then, what did you expect? A 5* hotel?"

NOTORIOUS: HMP Birmingham has housed serial killer Fred West

HMP Brixton

Jonny wrote on Tuesday: "Bed was uncomfortable and the food was awful."

Mark wrote: "I found it a wonderful interlude from the madness of everyday life.

"The food and menu wasn't as exciting as I'd like but for an additional fee you could use some outside caterers."

Christopher wrote: "A few hairy moments, but I was never lonely. Better than Durham, not as exciting as Broadmoor."

The jail was the scene of Gordon Ramsay's 2012 TV series Gordon Behind Bars and has housed The Kray Twins gangsters, Mick Jagger and hit man Jimmy Moody.

HMP Brixton lags beat up an inmate filmed on a banned mobile phone earlier this year.

MIXED: Jonny said the bed was uncomfortable and the food, awful

HMP Doncaster

Despite being nicknamed "Doncatraz", the prison is a small-scale local remand jail, but has housed ex-boxing world champion Prince Naseem Hamed.

Matty gave it four stars, writing: "Well, where do I begin with this quaint little hidden gem in the south of Yorkshire.

"A holiday at HMP Doncaster is an unforgettable experience, not to be missed.

"The restaurant is beautiful. The food is incredible.

But Chris wrote: "The food is always cold, they work you all week in a cramped job."

HMP Durham

Mark gave five stars and wrote: "I would recommend staying for more than one night so you can experience some of the evening entertainment they put on.

"There isn't a pool but the showers are massive and the free onsite gym is great."

Wayne wrote: "You're better off booking from a Thursday to Sunday, it's apple crumble and custard, that is if you can find any apple under two inches of crumble. Saturday you get a fry up."

Kev said: "F****** belting incarceration theme park."

Notable prisoners have included Moors murderer Ian Brady.

HMP Hewell

The Worcestershire jail is getting a bad rep.

Emily wrote: "Drug users are actually coming out addicted to Black Mamba. It's a shark tranquilliser. People are being taken to hospital and dying."

Simon wrote: "HMP Hewell is the biggest dump of a jail."

Ex-inmates have posted Trip Advisor-style reviews rating HMP Moorland, home to nonce and footballer Adam Johnson.

NOT KEEN: One described the grub at HMP Hewell as 'terrible'

UNDER FIRE: Simon said HMP Hewell was a dump

HMP Manchester (Strangeways)

The high-security Category A prison hosted 100 hangings and saw a fatal riot in 1990.

Notable inmates have included Premier League footballer Joey Barton for assault, Moors murderer Ian Brady and suffragette Emily Davison – before she threw herself in front of the King's horse.

Stefan wrote on Thursday last week: "Men are friendly!"

Kevin wrote: "The room backed onto the dog kennels so I was woken by barking at 5am."

Chris wrote: "I will commit crimes again, it's better than home, free rent, free food, great gym! Sex on tap!"

BIZARRE: One man posted this picture claiming to be inside HMP Manchester

BOASTING: One man posted this picture last month on the HMP Strangeways page smoking a fag

EASY GOING: Stefan said the men were friendly in HMP Manchester (Strangeways)

ESCAPE: The moment murderer Stuart Horner scaled barbed wire fences at HMP Manchester

HMP Lowdam Grange

Ellie wrote of the Nottinghamshire jail: "Imagine not letting an inmate go to their own father's funeral... disgusting."

HMP Wandsworth

Notable ex-convicts at the tough London jail include gangster Ronnie Kray, Great Train robber organiser Bruce Reynolds and singer Gary Glitter where he was punched in the face.

Andy wrote on Tuesday that there was "no chance of getting a beer" and said activities that included sewing and being a mobile librarian were "fun" and "different".

George said: "Did nine weeks for something I had not done… but I was treated like a king."

Robert gave three stars and said: "Good range of TV shows, need to sort out the heating though."

HMP Wormwood Scrubs

Conor wrote: "Could do with air con, gym was a struggle to get to, room service took long for response but got there in the end.

"Room was small but had en-suite so not bad."

Party-boy musician Pete Doherty stayed at the jail briefly after a string of drugs and driving offences.

The string of Facebook reviews paint a mixed picture of squalid conditions but also hotel-like hospitality.

Although they don't have a patch on one of the world's toughest jails – La Modelo in Managua, Nicaragua.