Review: Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice is a 'dour disappointment'

THERE'S too much moping and not enough action as two depressed superheroes face off in Zack Snyder's po-faced blockbuster, says Andy Lea.

SHOWDOWN: Affleck's Dark Knight finally faces up to Cavill's Caped Crusader

WHO would win in a scrap, Batman or Superman? Now who would win in a frown-off?

Obviously, I’m not allowed to answer to the first question but I think it's safe to reveal that honours are pretty even in the second contest.

In this dour, disappointing and shockingly incoherent superhero mash-up, Gotham and Metropolis have been re-imagined as twin cities like Manchester and Salford.

In a ruined Gotham mansion, an aging Bruce Wayne (Ben Affleck) is thoroughly depressed about his failing vigilante business. Meanwhile, across the bay in Metropolis, hacked off hack Clark Kent (Henry Cavill) is moping around the offices of the Daily Planet.

“Nobody reads newspapers anymore,” booms his editor (Laurence Fishburne) in one of his inspirational addresses to his staff.

Clearly, the two cities aren’t big enough for two miserable closet superheroes.

Sadly, those waiting for the big showdown will have to patient. A good portion of the two-and-a-half hour movie is devoted to building up the beef. And it’s all down to a simple misunderstanding.

Wayne has pegged Superman as a secret baddie ever since he accidentally trashed his Metropolis offices in the finale to 2013’s humourless Man Of Steel.

Battle scarred and paranoid, he can’t believe an individual with that much power is a force for good.

The upstanding Clark Kent has more straightforward worries about Affleck’s Batman. For one thing, the mask on his moody standard outfit is fixed into a permanent scowl. And now he doesn't just give criminals a light battering before delivering them to the cops, he brands their flesh with a bat symbol.

WHIPLASH: Gal Gadot's Wonder Woman almost saves the day

But it takes an incomprehensible scheme from manic tech billionaire Lex Luthor (Jesse Eisenberg) to get them together.

His motivation to do away with the pair of them isn’t clear but seems to have something to do with his love of philosophy.

Then just as we're getting sick of listening to Luthor's speeches and watching Bruce Wayne’s anxiety dreams, director Zack Snyder remembers he supposed to be making an action movie.

In the final hour, he hits us with breathless string of stylish showdowns. We get Batman V Superman, Batman and Superman V Lex Luthor and Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) V a bog standard CGI monster.

We also get plenty of build-up for the upcoming series of Justice League movies. Hopefully, they will have less moping and more action.

An occasional joke wouldn’t go amiss too.